Checking back in – six weeks later – to bring my blog up to date! It has been many months of retroactive updating, and I ask for forgiveness for that. Bare with me as I finally arrive to the present!
From Houston to Georgia – My path is lit up with joy and affirmation once again!
On June 4th, I drove from Houston to Mobile, Alabama, where I stayed the night at a Sisters of Mercy Convent that was referred to me by one of the Sisters of Mercy in the Rio Grande Valley (I owe it to these Sisters for facilitating this journey!). I had sent a few texts back and forth with Sr. Chab, who worked there, and followed google maps to this house in the woods. While there, I shared my story with many of these elder and wise women who have spent their lives in service and received lots of advice and encouragement. One of the women came into my room the morning I was to leave and offered me a pair of khaki pants, another took me to the kitchen to gather some snacks for the journey, and I was offered a profound ushering through to the next stop on my way. While sitting in their chapel, I contemplated the incredible surprises that have lit the way – the ways that the Spirit has surprised me with affirmation, with love, with tenderness, with healing hospitality. The experience of visiting this convent was one of those full-of-light-and-scattering-darkness stops that showed me that, somehow, I am following the right path as I undertake this journey.
While I was staying with these sisters, I shared with the ones at my dinner table that I did not know where I would be staying in my next long-term stop (Miami) or what kind of employment I might find. I was basically out of money – I had just under $3,000 in my account, but seeing that I was due to pay $1,500 for a Haitian Creole language program starting in 2 weeks and would inevitably be spending money on food, parking, gas, etc. while in Miami, I knew that I would run out of funds and wouldn’t be able to continue on without a loan or a miracle, and so my plan was to find a place to stay and then work. And these two sisters were counseling me for over 30 minutes, telling me to search different religious congregations and show up at their door. And so sitting with them encouraged me to continue on with hope even though the great unknown was coming towards me. I was filled with excitement, eagerness, and inspiration after those delightful and beautiful 18 or so hours.
From Mobile I drove to Atlanta where I met with Carol (from Ajo!!) for lunch with her sister and we filled each other in on the long months that had passed since we were together. Carol left town the next morning so it was perfect timing that we could reunite once again!
And then I made my way to Decatur where I spent three lovely days with a dear friend who I made while participating in the Contemplative Leaders in Action program, Lauren. Though we had only met on zoom prior, Lauren graciously folded me into the fabric of her family’s life the moment I got to town. We were grocery shopping, cooking, walking the dog, going to the kids swim meet… I got to explore the Atlanta Botanical Garden (so amazing!) while listening to podcasts. On the third day, she took me to the Ignatius House Jesuit Retreat Center where she met with a spiritual director and I sat on a bench by the river journaling. Lauren also encouraged me in my search for hospitality and employment in Miami (what a treasure to be ushered through life by so many selfless, nonjudgmental, and kind people)!
From Atlanta I drove down to New Port Richey where I spent a few nights with childhood friends from California that I had not seen in many, many years. We ate delicious food together, hung out on the beach, and kayaked through Weeki Wachee River – complete with lots of day drinking, hot hot heat, and manatees!
And then I drove down to Miami, my very first adventure that I was completely and utterly unsure about. I had a list of places I would go to in search of hospitality, and a few friends that I could hopefully cross paths with, but it was truly my first exercise in surrendering to God and relying on the generosity and guidance of others. My first week I stayed in a hostel in Miami Beach and spent my days scouring over different websites and postings, visiting two different churches that serve the Haitian community looking for housing/volunteering/anything, and winding down at the beach in the afternoons.
In search of hospitality…
Before I was halfway through the week, I was starting to doubt the likelihood of my finding religiously affiliated hospitality. At one point I met with a priest at one of the parishes with deep excitement and hope in my heart, but I never heard back. I was flooded with feelings of hopelessness and doubt. This week was a journey in self-discovery (Lord have mercy, I am not as resilient as I thought!). At another parish I was kindly referred to a homeless shelter (and given $40. What complex emotions I experienced that day!). The spiritual desolation that followed was intense – it prevented me from continuing to knock on the doors of strangers. In fact, I started to think my idea was absurd, was unrealistic, was unwelcome in this place (I told you the desolation was intense!). Something about the way I was received not with curiosity but with pity discouraged me.
What did this experience mean?
I had talked about this possibility with the sisters at the convent in Mobile – these days, people are very reluctant to receive strangers without a direct connection, because we are living with much more fear of the other than our ancestors did. This reality was affirmed when the priest mentioned a background check in response to what I thought was a unique, exciting, and super appealing invitation to receive me on my pilgrimage! I was humbled really quickly. And I am sure there are people that would say, hey Brinkley, welcome to reality! To which I would respond, yes, and let us continue to challenge this reality and remind ourselves that distrusting others and putting up walls and barriers between ourselves and strangers is a choice, and while it may be an informed choice (past bad experiences, etc), the Gospel teaching that we subscribe to does not say we are allowed to reinterpret it in light of how “these days you never know who people are or what they are capable of.” In fact, when we think and act like that, we are the Pharisees, not the Apostles. We follow the status quo, and not the Gospel, which requires living radically, being our Brother’s and Sister’s Keepers, and trusting entirely in the Creator that made us all. I digress!
This experience and challenge helped me to get a teeny-tiny glimpse of what it might feel like to be marginalized and in search of refuge (refugees, migrants, people experiencing homelessness & detached from their communities, ex-cons), constantly subjected to the suspicions and rejections of others, to the endless referrals to another place that isn’t here, to the struggle of finding work and housing where some people are kind and others are exploitative and hateful. It helped me to see clearly my own weaknesses, especially because I took these encounters personally and let them overwhelm me. (I have a gift at imagining best case scenarios but have room for growth in trudging through the thick and sticky mud that is often the present scenario). And of course, becoming vulnerable with strangers and entering into the unknown always runs the risk of failure and disappointment! Perhaps if I had had more time or less of a financial need, I would have tried a little longer, but my inner voice said “SOS! Look for a live-in job! Hurry! Your class is starting!” I will never know if I did the right thing in closing that search and pivoting my energy, though I trust in the way that things unfolded as they did, and I am grateful for the struggle in all that it taught me.
Stay tuned for part 2 where I finish out my time in South Florida!